he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
