It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
