so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
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