I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
