I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
