I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
