This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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