evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
