We're like a lot better than the average bears
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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