Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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