i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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