He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
