and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
