so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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