What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
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