My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
