how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
