Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize