i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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