what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
