I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
