Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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