hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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