he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
