last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
NoShamevember. You game?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
