The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
