He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize