Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
ok first of all what the fuck
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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