and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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