I love black thongs
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
