Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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