i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
