I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
