I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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