Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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