last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
