i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
