I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
