if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
