Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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