I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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