I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
