my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize