So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
