Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
my phone needs a breathalizer
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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