we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize