so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
