I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
