your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
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