So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
