thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
