Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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