i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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