I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize