dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
