Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
