In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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