I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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