my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She's the barista slut.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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