So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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