I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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