uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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