When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
