Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Randomize
