Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize