he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
