Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
We need to get me chipped asap
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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