She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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