The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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