he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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