Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
