apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
