Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Randomize
