I feel great
I just peed on a car
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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