Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize