Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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