apparently the secret to your success is patron
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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