We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
