Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
