What a fucking waste of an outfit
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
