On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
