I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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