I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Ketchup is God's man juice
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
