Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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