You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
