i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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