Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I am available for nakedness
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
