don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
where are my eyebrows?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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