i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
