maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize