I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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