you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
