Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
did i walk over a car last night?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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