i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
