May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
