This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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