Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
