Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
