PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
