don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
