it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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