I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
