The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
