I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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