Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize