I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
