is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
