I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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