Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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