I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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