I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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