I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Randomize
