White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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