can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
